health-ask

Hi i’m a student in my second year at university. Lately i’ve been having constant suicidal thoughts/ideation, its practically every day that i think about my own death/wanting to die and ways i might kill myself.

Now i know that these thoughts are completely irrational, but as much as i tell myself to stop thinking them or w/e they are still there, normally when i wake up in the morning or if I’m on the train etc. they seem to come out of no where.

I’m extremely squeamish, i passed out watching 127 hours in the cinema, and i’ve even passed out watching T.V shows like RPH etc. So basically trying to kill myself through bleeding etc wouldn’t be effective at all.

I’ve contemplated the whole carbon monoxide poisoning, through using a hose and exhaust pipe, which seems like the easiest way to do it, just get myself drunk, take a sleeping pill and let the car do the rest.

I don’t want to do anything like jumping in front of a truck or lying down in front of a train, because i don’t want anyone scarred psychologically from such a gruesome death.

My ideal way would be through a skydiving ‘accident’ and basically just fall from a plane to my death, like that guy in the UK recently, although everyone know he suicided.

Lately when i go to uni, in the city there’s a new building being built, its apparently going to be the tallest tower in the city once its finished. Basically i have a part of my mind that’s made a plan to jump off of it once its finished, so it might be in a year or in 18 months. My sister is getting married next january, so i don’t want to ruin it my killing myself before then, and in 18 months everyone should be a bit more adjusted to it.

My question basically is, is it ok to have suicidal ideation/thoughts.. do people got through times when they think like this? Its not like i’m breaking down and sobbing “Goodbye cruel world!” or anything extreme like that, and in all likelihood i would never go through with it. Is it something i should just ignore or should i perhaps see someone about it.. and if i do, does anyone have any experience with such things, does CBT help at all?